Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me

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We suck at listening. It’s seriously an epidemic. I mostly blame smart phones, but even in the absence of these (which is, um, never), we still kinda suck. By “we,” I mean adults in general.

Last week, my husband and I attended an auction. It was the real deal (ha, get it?), with the auctioneer rattling off prices, raising them, lowering them. I’d turn to my husband to ask him a question about the item. When I looked back, either the item was gone or neither of us had an idea of the current price because we’d been talking. I felt sheepish as the Polish and Romanian contractors, whose first language was definitely NOT English, would hear every price jump with no difficulty. Well, yeah, it’s easy to hear when your ears are open and your mouth is shut. Continue reading

I ruined St. Patrick’s Day

auction

It’s not what you think, I swear! I didn’t ruin St. Patrick’s Day because I was too drunk. Believe me, I wish that had been the case. This is a photo of me in agony of WAITING. When I say “agony,” I’m using it in the context of white people/first world problems. I should be bitch slapped for using that phrase, because most women wouldn’t consider their husbands taking them shopping as “agony.” But it was 12 hours of shopping. In the sobering cold. On an otherwise drunk St. Patrick’s Day. Continue reading

A leprechaun named Rebekah

leprechaun

One of the biggest perks to having a kid is getting to celebrate holidays like a kid. Not quite sure if the dog appreciates our enthusiam, but she doesn’t really have a choice. Sorry, girl.

Our son loved reading this book, referring to the wee Irish man as “Rebekah.” (At least, that’s what it sounded like to us.) It prompted me to buy window stickers, which led us to discussing pots of gold, rainbows, and “sha-bocks.” This is another reason I like holidays: introducing vocabulary that I otherwise wouldn’t. Continue reading

Parenting is just like college

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No way, butterfly woman! College was full of loud and crazy people who stayed up ’til all hours of the night, then puked their brains out the next morning.

Hmmm…loud and crazy…up all night…spitting up…sound like anyone you know?

If you think this post topic is original, it most certainly is not. Amanda has a list of “50 Ways Motherhood is Like College.” My list isn’t up to 50 yet, but my college friends are texting me their ideas as I type. Why don’t you put on a hoodie and pajama pants and read this while lounging on the couch sipping a Strawberry Hill Boone’s Farm. Oh, you’re currently doing all those things? That’s what I thought. Continue reading

Let the haters hate: Flying with a kid

So, we’ve all heard about that passenger that hit a toddler on a flight, correct? Ca-RAZY story. If you were under a rock that day, a 60 year old man slapped a 19 month old boy (wait: it gets worse) and told the mom to “shut that N-word baby up.” Before you frantically open a new browser to cancel your spring break flight to visit Grandma and Grandpa in CaliFloridArizona, remind yourself:

You’ve been cooped up all winter. You’ve visited the local free museum so frequently that your toddler could stand in as curator. You’ve sung “Wheels on the Bus” no less than 200 times (maybe in just one week), and you’ve read “Fox and Socks” to the point where you refused to celebrate Dr. Seuss’ bday. (What a tongue twisting A-hole!) You DESERVE this vacation, and you’re going to have fun, damnit! Continue reading